Yes to equality - for the sake of the children

'Y-E-S. Yes!
Yes? Mammy, why does your badge say Yes?'

'Well, you know the way sometimes you have a day off school and help Mammy to vote on important questions? I want everyone to vote Yes on the next important question.'

'Why, what's the question?'

Now, what on earth do I say to that?

My children KNOW gay couples. They know that they are simply two people in love, the same way Mammy and Daddy are in love.

They KNOW that everybody is just as good as everyone else. That it's not kind to treat someone differently because of the colour of their skin, their need for a wheelchair or hearing aid, or the fact that they have a Jedward lunchbox.

How do I explain to them that some adults do not know as much as they do? That some adults are hanging desperately to a notion of superiority,  of worthiness, at the expense of other people's happiness. That joining together and celebrating marriage between any two people in love is merely a first step in allowing ALL couples to hold hands in public, without fear of actual violence.

Aged 6.5 and 5, my kids have not yet learned to fear difference. They see things as simply as many adults can't. Love is love, and that's that.

So do I tell them what the referendum is about? Honestly, I would prefer them to learn about it in their history books. I would like them to come to me in ten years' time and marvel that they were alive at a time when LGBT people were NOT allowed to marry.

WHY should I have to explain to them that some consider gay people to be incapable of marriage, or unworthy of it? Why would I expose them to such unthinking bigotry and tell them that this negativity exists in the world? By exposing them to hatred, do I run the risk of some of it staying with them?

They are too young to be faced with the harsh realities of those who attempt to control the rights of others. Those who think that LGBT people are 'equal, but...'

So please, vote Yes in the marriage referendum. Bring humanity a step forward, take a step to uniting our society. Don't try to convince another generation that society consists of 'them' and 'us'.

We listen to so many people telling us, without supporting evidence, that gay relationships are harmful to children. But can fear, intolerance, hatred be good for anyone? Won't somebody, please, think of my children?

To Our Fourth Child

Dear Popsicle,

You are not a First Child. When I was expecting your big brother, joy abounded from the people I'd meet just going about my day. Spotting the little bump proudly stretching my tight maternity clothes, they would ask if it was my first. When I said yes, those strangers would positively twinkle at me, telling me how much my life was going to change and sharing such 'helpful' advice as "Whatever you do, don't breastfeed", "Make sure you breastfeed", "Keep that baby close, the years are short" and "Show the baby who's boss".
Beaming in return I nodded at all advice, calmly confident that we - and your brother - would work things out as we went along. And thankfully, that seemed to work for us as we became a family of three.

Nor are you a Second Baby, the baby who prompted knowing smiles from all we encountered. "That's a lovely age gap, they'll be the best of friends", "You're going for the girl, are you?" and "Proper order, a fine young man like that needs a little sister to look after". Advice was still forthcoming too, mostly on how to avoid sibling rivalry. The people we met were still on safe territory overall, feeling they could easily understand and have some input.

But, sweetheart, you're not even a Third Baby. The sight of my third big bump was accepted by most as a funny sort of indulgence. Our first kids were getting a little older and clearly I wanted one more 'go' at the teeny baby stage before retiring my ovaries. I was being a little greedy perhaps, but no harm. "Sure the older ones will be able to help now, you'll get on grand".

And now your impending presence is announced every time I walk down the street. On realising that you will be a fourth child, there have really only been two responses from the people who like to think they're in the know.
Option A is that your Daddy and I must be 'gluttons for punishment' with a laugh and a headshake to indicate that the speaker would never be so foolish.
Option B is often from the older generation, where four children was actually a small family. They reassure me that you'll 'slot right in and you'll hardly notice at all'.

What those people don't understand is that you, my love, are not an afterthought or an also-ran. Far from going unnoticed, your arrival is eagerly awaited by older siblings as well as your Daddy and me. Strangers on the street haven't heard the squeals of delight as you move my belly about beneath the hands of Little Man and Little Lady, and I often wonder what Little One thinks of the pummelling you attempt to give him each time he sits in my lap.

I am looking forward to seeing your little face every bit as much as I did with your brothers and sister, and to that particular mixture of smugness and awe on your Daddy's face when he holds you for the first time. I sing your very own 'bump song' to you, the same song I plan to sing while I nurse you to sleep in a few short months. While you kick, and squirm and grow inside me, I can hardly wait to see if you'll be another old soul, or a free spirit - or whether you'll surprise us anew.

Your arrival will be celebrated not by two, but by five people who will form your immediate family, who will each  love you and annoy you (sometimes in equal measure) as you grow.

Sweetheart, you are not our first baby, but you will likely be our last - and you will be cherished.

Love,
Mammy
xxxxx

Making my own sunshine on a rainy day

There are many benefits to cloth nappies, and one day I really must share our experience with them.

But this morning, as i listen to what can only be described as a downpour outside, it occurred to me that I've never seen anyone list 'transformation to eternal optimist' as one of the reasons parents should try cloth.

Don't believe me? Well, here's how we cloth Mammies react to Ireland's changeable weather.

Windy day - Great, that'll dry the nappies quickly!

Wet day - Great, no need to do a final nappy rinse in the washing machine! Rain is amazing for stripping nappies of detergent build-up and making them so, so soft.

Sunny day - Great, that'll bleach out any stains on my lovely nappies!

Hailstones - Great, that'll beat out any stains AND save me a final rinse!

Snow - Great, an excuse to wash the nappies tomorrow, I'm off out for a snowball fight with the kids :)

Ok, that last one works for everyone really, but you take my point I'm sure!

So while we think of some rainy day activities for the kids, I'm going to pop on a nappy wash and put that rain to good use. It's a small victory, but it's mine :)

Top tip - a good outing in a few days of rain will do wonders to soften up those crunchy towels in the back of your hot press too! Go on, give it a try...