True love, aged three-and-a-half.

So, it appears that Little Man has gotten married. Just like that. I didn't even get to rock an old-fashioned Mother Of The Groom outfit! Now, I know that there are many worried Irish Mammies out there whose little boys are in their mid-thirties and showing no signs of settling down, but as we're still in the mid-threes I thought I had a little bit more time!

There are so many things I wanted to teach him before he was married. How to tie his shoelaces, for one. Perhaps even tell the time. And I know that Hubby hasn't had The Talk with him yet. Still, he knows enough to give regular compliments and daily snuggles. That's a good start to any marriage!

As for Little Man's Little Bride - well, she's a loquacious little cutie-pie. And as adorable as her smile is, it is her perseverance I admire most. Since naming her pet turtle after Little Man aged only two, she's been asking him almost weekly to marry her. With that kind of determination on her side, I imagine she'll have no trouble whatsoever getting him to bring out the bins, or collect her from the hairdresser when it's raining.

They were married in creche, just after snack time, with one teacher as bridesmaid and one as flower girl. I haven't been able to ascertain who exactly performed the ceremony, but I'm told that the vows were simple and elegant; "Hey baby, I think I want to marry you!".

So far, married life seems to be going well for the Little Couple. They now hold hands during story time, and regularly exchange secret smiles during both free-play and dinner time. Let's hope the honeymoon period lasts until at least their fourth birthdays!

The Mathematics of Parenting

Prospective parents are often nervous creatures. They don't really know what to expect for what is, basically, the rest of their lives. Sure, at different stages there will be some certainties - sleepless nights, homework, romantic worries - but what about the day-to-day of it? What is being a parent really like?

That's where I come in. After extensive research (aka things I noticed over the bank holiday weekend) I have broken parenting down into a series of easy-to-comprehend percentages. Once you've got these mastered, it's all plain sailing* from here on in.

Parenting is:

2% wiping things (if you have to ask, you don't want to know)
2% alphabet, colours and counting to ten
3% teaching them manners
4% reading "just one more" bedtime story
4% learning how to pack a tiny bag for every possible eventuality on trips lasting from 10 minutes to 10 days
5% pre-empting hunger
7% making them run around so that they just might be tired at bedtime
10% various snuggles and smooches
63% being able to say "You're right! We do need to go and rescue the baby puppies who are trapped in trouble on the mountain with glitter!" with just the right tone of urgency

See? Easy as pie. Messy pie. That sometimes smells. And makes a lot of noise. But still, pie.


* Definitions of plain sailing may differ from individual to individual. The author accepts no responsibility for any unforeseen carpet stains, trips to the emergency room, or embarrassing questions asked in supermarket queues