Prospective parents are often nervous creatures. They don't really know what to expect for what is, basically, the rest of their lives. Sure, at different stages there will be some certainties - sleepless nights, homework, romantic worries - but what about the day-to-day of it? What is being a parent really like?
That's where I come in. After extensive research (aka things I noticed over the bank holiday weekend) I have broken parenting down into a series of easy-to-comprehend percentages. Once you've got these mastered, it's all plain sailing* from here on in.
Parenting is:
2% wiping things (if you have to ask, you don't want to know)
2% alphabet, colours and counting to ten
3% teaching them manners
4% reading "just one more" bedtime story
4% learning how to pack a tiny bag for every possible eventuality on trips lasting from 10 minutes to 10 days
5% pre-empting hunger
7% making them run around so that they just might be tired at bedtime
10% various snuggles and smooches
63% being able to say "You're right! We do need to go and rescue the baby puppies who are trapped in trouble on the mountain with glitter!" with just the right tone of urgency
See? Easy as pie. Messy pie. That sometimes smells. And makes a lot of noise. But still, pie.
* Definitions of plain sailing may differ from individual to individual. The author accepts no responsibility for any unforeseen carpet stains, trips to the emergency room, or embarrassing questions asked in supermarket queues
No comments:
Post a Comment